in bed with kafka

there are many things you could think of while caressing a womens back... many kind, many beautiful things...

but while my hand makes circles, while i write some sort of invicible love letter, kafka slips in my head - kafkas in the penal colony

a story about injustice and torture. a story about a machine which tortures and exectues by carving the sentences on the convict's body.

why have i to remember something that painful? why cant i just enjoy the moment? why do i have to be that weird?

Angst essen Seele auf

"what are you afraid of? im just a french girl"

winamp + iTunes = musikCube

There are times everyone around me thinks im insane. For instanace when i rejected iTunes because of the always started itunesHelper and ipodService.exe. Well not exactly for those two, but iTunes consumes way to much memory and takes some considerable time to start up on my lil' notebook with its ULV 1.1Ghz Centrino and 512MB ram.

Because of this is switched back to the Winamp which is great, but lacks some good library functions. Ok, maybe the included media library is good in some way, but it doesnt fit my needs. I liked the way iTunes handled my files much more.

And thats where musikCube comes into play. It is described as a "fast, lightweight music management" tool. And hell yeah, thats true. In some way it feels and looks like iTunes, but tidier, more minimal. And thus it starts as fast as Winamp an consumes a fraction of the memory iTunes does.

With the available cubeScrobbler plugin i can even dispense the last.fm tool and spare some additional memory.

Overall i really liked musikCube from the first time it started - about an hour ago ;)
It still has to proove its value in day to day use, but i really think this will replace Winamp and iTunes on my PC.

Nevertheless i already recommend it to all of you not blessed with a bunch of memory. It really is a great tool to hear music and i have to join liveslick who introduced musikCube as "what iTunes should be like" ;)

... and he lived all happily ever after

well - its been some time since i last posted something here. Probably this is good, cause mostly i came here, when i've been down and found no one to talk with in person. So i dropped my fear, my depressions and even my hatred to this blog and felt lightend in the "real world".

And it is true: the last month was "not bad". But i assume thats more for lack of time. I finally quitted my dark ground floor room and since sunday im not even more in Berlin...

But even if i already miss it, its not that bad at all. The following semester i will study and life in Toulouse, France. Well probably its more the living than the studying, parce que mon francais est horrible - even worse than my english ;)

Altough im very nervous i'm sort of happy after all. Berlin is great but after two years living there without my dreams or hopes coming true, i think its time to look forward - to experience somemthing new, something different.

Its just like Herman Hesse wrote in his poem Stufen:

Wie jede Blüte welkt und jede Jugend
Dem Alter weicht, blüht jede Lebensstufe,
Blüht jede Weisheit auch und jede Tugend
Zu ihrer Zeit und darf nicht ewig dauern.
Es muß das Herz bei jedem Lebensrufe
Bereit zum Abschied sein und Neubeginne,
Um sich in Tapferkeit und ohne Trauern
In andre, neue Bindungen zu geben.
Und jedem Anfang wohnt ein Zauber inne,
Der uns beschützt und der uns hilft, zu leben.

Wir sollen heiter Raum um Raum durchschreiten,
An keinem wie an einer Heimat hängen,
Der Weltgeist will nicht fesseln uns und engen,
Er will uns Stuf' um Stufe heben, weiten.
Kaum sind wir heimisch einem Lebenskreise
Und traulich eingewohnt, so droht Erschlaffen,
Nur wer bereit zu Aufbruch ist und Reise,
Mag lähmender Gewöhnung sich entraffen.

Es wird vielleicht auch noch die Todesstunde
Uns neuen Räumen jung entgegen senden,
Des Lebens Ruf an uns wird niemals enden...
Wohlan denn, Herz, nimm Abschied und gesunde!

Theres an english translation entitled Steps available, but i couldn't post it here - the translated version just didnt fit the feeling i have for this.

Ouch, that post just became a little to long. I have to come to the point:
When i was travelling away from Berlin in an overstaffed train, i met Mi from Kami and we talked about this and that for the whole ride. And that really emboldend me to go on and strengthend my believe for a great time in france.

Maybe you are thinking "and so what? i've been talking to people the whole f***g day! What does he want to tell us?" Well lately i have been very shy and anxious. I barely talked to strangers more than necessary. Expecially to women. But its not that i've fallen in love, as you might guess.

This occasion just resembles the quoted poem. In the knowledge, that there are some major changes in my life i feel lightened. And yeah - somehow protected. Altough i sort of miss Berlin, my friends i m not sad. Everthing fits together - it feels right to go abroad, to study in france. Even if i wont understand a single word.

The meeting with Mi has been like an omen to me. Even though france propably wont be perfect, it will be the right thing to go there. Its been the call of life.

... Wohlan denn, Herz, nimm Abschied und gesunde! ...

hatred

Defeatist, You and I will never be the same

drugs are bad m'kay - but my hat is AWESOME!!!

yeaah his hat IS really awesome... but even more this whole adventure is ;)


[via Beetlebum]

but maybe the creators should have been paying a lil' more attention to Mr. Mackeys talk about drugs - especially LSD ;)

Adblock vs. Snaps

just a quick note in case anyone has the Filterset.G ruleset installed and wonders why there are no more snapshot previews.

Apparently the url contains the part "ad=" which will be blocked by the rule:
/[^a-z\d=+%@](?!\d{5,})(\w*\d+x\d)?\d*(show)?(\w{3,}%20|alligator|avs|barter|blog|box|central|context|crystal|d?html|exchange|external|forum|front|fuse|gen|get|house|hover|http|i?frame|inline|instant|live|main|mspace|net|partner|php|popin|primary|provider|realtext|redir\W.*\W|rotated?|secure|side|smart|sponsor|story|text|view|web)?_?ads?(v?((ition|meta|tology3|versal)\.com|(marketplace|rom)\.net|action\.se|bot|brite|broker|bureau|butler|cent(er|ric)|click|client|content|coun(cil|t(er)?)|creative|cycle|data(id)?|engage|entry|er(tis\w+|t(pro)?|ve?r?)|farm|feelgood|force|form|frame(generator)?|gardener|gen|gif|groupid|head|ima?ge?|index|info|js|juggler|layer|legend|link|log|man(ager)?|max|mentor(serve)?|mosaic|net|optimi[sz]er|parser|peeps|pic|player|po(ol|pup|sition)|proof|q\.nextag|re(dire?c?t?|mote|volver)|rotator|sale|script|search|sdk|sfac|size|so(lution|nar|urce)|stream|space|srv|stat.*\.asp|sys|(tag)?track|trix|type|view|vt|x\.nu|zone))?s?\d*(status)?\d*(?!\.org)[\W_](?!\w+\.(ac\.|edu)|astra|aware|adurl=|block|login|nl/|sears/|.*(&sbc|\.(wmv|rm)))/

If you want to reenable the previews, the easiest way is to add he following rule which whitelists te entire snap.com domain:
@@.snap.com

Hope you find this little notice helpful.

two days left

two days are left before i have to write my political theory exams and i still dont know anything. guess this will become another disaster in my university career...

Hail to the Flying Spaghetti Monster

I guess its about time some of the first believers should come to proselytize germany. The culture minister of Hessen, Karin Wolff (CDU), is suggestion "modern biologie classes". And now guess what she means by "modern"...

Yeah right: she wants to introduce the christian genesis into biologie classes ... if thats modern, i really dont want to know in which time she is living right now.

But nevertheless this should never be allowed. I mean whats the religion class for? If you really want to tell about intelligent designs you should introduce an obligatory ethics class, where you teach about all religions and their different approaches. Maybe this could even cover the FSM theory ;). But there is definately no place for those in the biology classes. Nor is it acceptable to teach only one the christian approach. Thats just bullshit.

So if they really try to push this suggestion, i call all of the pastafaris to stand up for our equal rights. Stand up for the teaching of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the biology classes. Stand up and fight for sanity.

what i should do...

• write to this blog about my bad mood, the fantastic fusion festtival 07 or books stolen by the german post
• learn for the political theory exam in about 10 days
  
• learn for the french test tomorrow
• finish coding this project i should have been done last week
• call my friends
• call my family
• search an accommodation in toulouse for my upcoming foreign semester
• beginn to write papers for the university
  
• make an appointment with my optician
  
• clean the bathroom
• write some important mails
• ... and so much more

and what i am doing:

• reading Death Note and falling in love with Misa-Misa ;)
  
  

back to "normal"

Fortunately this sunday went by and im back to "normal". I have been to the university today and tried to study. Well it has not been very effective, but everything is better than sitting here in my room with this crushing feellings.

I hope next weekend will be different, because i'll visit the Fusion Festival and will have some fun... well or at least try to - keep your fingers crossed for me

mean red

"The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of."

but tell me... what if you don't have tiffanys... if there is no place you can go and calm down... it is starting to get darker... and at last it beccomes black... and then? what to do then? where could i go to fight this dark feeling? It slows me down. I can't think, i can't move and i can't talk. It feels like drowning... Drowning in the middle of a silent, large, black lake, where you can't see, not even imagine, the beach...